In preparation for the New Year and the start of spring, it is tradition for Persians to build fires and jump over them. The act is intended to cleanse oneself of the excess worries, burdens, cares, and days of Kristin of the prior year. In the past, we have fueled this ritual with wood, leaves, old college notes and papers, and the like.
This year, the fortunes smiled down upon us and unleashed Kristin’s debut book JUST in time to be dedicated to the rites of Spring and sacrificed in the name of #science.
Don’t get me wrong! I want to cherish this book forever, but I really only need one copy. So I procured the last (and likely first) two copies available at my local mom-’n’-pop bookshop, Barnes & Noble. Because the employees inadvertently placed the book in the wrong section, it took some time to track them down:
Success! I returned home triumphant, and after flipping a coin to determine which book would ascend to Book Heaven, I set to work.
Twenty seconds of direct flame and one burnt thumb later, and you can barely see the damage! What kind of unholy toxic paper is this book printed on?!
Undaunted, I procured some more firepower.
That should help!
Beautiful! I leapt over the fire and felt as refreshed as I’ve felt since my last krill cleanse. But all too soon, the flames died down, leaving only the noxious odor of burning chemicals as a lingering reminder of what once was.
Finally, let’s compare to the copy that won the coin toss:
DAMN. All I have to say after that is: If Kristin is HALF as tough as her book is, I would never fuck with her.